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Oleg Zhivetin
Poem Reader
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Published Jul 16, 2007
Question:
Should the guy pay for the date? I'm struggling with a money issue with a
guy I've been dating a few months. We make similar money -- not much,
but not minimum wage. We were splitting the bill when we first started
dating.
After we had been dating for a while, I asked if we could treat each other to
dates rather than split the bill, because it's nicer. We started doing this, and
he does take me out sometimes, but not all the time. Now I'm anxious
every time we go out: Is he going to pay? Isn't he?The truth is, I prefer to
be taken out by the guy. I know it's antiquated, but it makes me feel
wanted, taken care of, special. I don't mind paying for dinner or drinks every
second or third time. Most guys seem to take it as a point of pride that
they're paying ... this guy doesn't.Even after several months, and my
paying every other time for nicer dinners, etc., he still makes it known at
times that we are going Dutch or that he's not paying for the entire
evening. It brings him down in my esteem ... but I don't know if I'm being
overly demanding. Is he a tightwad? Or am I ridiculously old-fashioned?
S.A., San Jose, California
Answer:
This is an endlessly fascinating topic, since it raises all sorts of questions
about fairness, feminism, the shackles inherent in a patriarchal society,
mathematics and, perhaps most important in the long run, monetary policy
at the Fed.
Luckily, we won't go anywhere near most of those issues. What do we look
like, Mother Jones? No, we prefer to keep things simple, because that's just
the way we roll, and also because we have no idea what "the Fed" is,
anyway. Does "Fannie Mae" live there with "Freddie Mac"? If so, who pays for
dinner at "Trader Vic's"? Never mind. We don't really want to know.
A tightwad
First things first, S.A. Yes, the guy is a tightwad. He also must have missed
the first day of Guy School 101 where he would have learned that The Guy
Always Pays (at least at first).
We didn't say it's fair; it just is. For some reason, feminism was able to
stamp out inequality in many areas, but this one hangs on. Why it remains
and, for instance, smoking hot stewardesses have disappeared, is a
mystery and, needless to say, a disappointment to us.
But most guys (though not, apparently, your Mr. McCheapo) will set aside
the incongruity and go with tradition. They want to make a good
impression, and they know part of that entails paying for those first few
Beef Burrito Supremes, even if it means diving into the nether regions of
the couch for spare change. (Tip for guys: Unscrew the top of the agitator
assembly inside your washer and lift it off. You'll find at least $1.50 in
quarters under there, plus maybe that Paris Hilton flash drive you thought
you had misplaced.)
So yes, S.A. -- if indeed that is your real name -- your position is
antiquated, and ridiculously old-fashioned. But we mean that in a good way.
In your case anyway. Because you at least offer to pay some of the time.
Nothing turns a guy off more than a woman who never ever offers to chip
in. And, just FYI, the opposite is true as well -- a guy who hears "Honey,
tonight is on me ... OK, no, not actually ON me, but I'm paying" is likely to
be very appreciative of the gesture. If you know what we mean. If not, ask
Freddie Mac.
Question:
Should the guy pay for the date? I'm struggling with a money issue with a
guy I've been dating a few months. We make similar money -- not much,
but not minimum wage. We were splitting the bill when we first started
dating.
After we had been dating for a while, I asked if we could treat each other to
dates rather than split the bill, because it's nicer. We started doing this, and
he does take me out sometimes, but not all the time. Now I'm anxious
every time we go out: Is he going to pay? Isn't he?The truth is, I prefer to
be taken out by the guy. I know it's antiquated, but it makes me feel
wanted, taken care of, special. I don't mind paying for dinner or drinks every
second or third time. Most guys seem to take it as a point of pride that
they're paying ... this guy doesn't.Even after several months, and my
paying every other time for nicer dinners, etc., he still makes it known at
times that we are going Dutch or that he's not paying for the entire
evening. It brings him down in my esteem ... but I don't know if I'm being
overly demanding. Is he a tightwad? Or am I ridiculously old-fashioned?
S.A., San Jose, California
Answer:
This is an endlessly fascinating topic, since it raises all sorts of questions
about fairness, feminism, the shackles inherent in a patriarchal society,
mathematics and, perhaps most important in the long run, monetary policy
at the Fed.
Luckily, we won't go anywhere near most of those issues. What do we look
like, Mother Jones? No, we prefer to keep things simple, because that's just
the way we roll, and also because we have no idea what "the Fed" is,
anyway. Does "Fannie Mae" live there with "Freddie Mac"? If so, who pays for
dinner at "Trader Vic's"? Never mind. We don't really want to know.
A tightwad
First things first, S.A. Yes, the guy is a tightwad. He also must have missed
the first day of Guy School 101 where he would have learned that The Guy
Always Pays (at least at first).
We didn't say it's fair; it just is. For some reason, feminism was able to
stamp out inequality in many areas, but this one hangs on. Why it remains
and, for instance, smoking hot stewardesses have disappeared, is a
mystery and, needless to say, a disappointment to us.
But most guys (though not, apparently, your Mr. McCheapo) will set aside
the incongruity and go with tradition. They want to make a good
impression, and they know part of that entails paying for those first few
Beef Burrito Supremes, even if it means diving into the nether regions of
the couch for spare change. (Tip for guys: Unscrew the top of the agitator
assembly inside your washer and lift it off. You'll find at least $1.50 in
quarters under there, plus maybe that Paris Hilton flash drive you thought
you had misplaced.)
So yes, S.A. -- if indeed that is your real name -- your position is
antiquated, and ridiculously old-fashioned. But we mean that in a good way.
In your case anyway. Because you at least offer to pay some of the time.
Nothing turns a guy off more than a woman who never ever offers to chip
in. And, just FYI, the opposite is true as well -- a guy who hears "Honey,
tonight is on me ... OK, no, not actually ON me, but I'm paying" is likely to
be very appreciative of the gesture. If you know what we mean. If not, ask
Freddie Mac.
"Guy Refuses to Take Pride in Paying for the Dates"
http://www.mercurynews.com/malecall
http://www.mercurynews.com/malecall