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| This page has been designed as a bit of fun. Some of these jokes may be offensive. That is not the intention. If you have a good joke forward it on to: post@myeasyticket.com and we'll add it to our collection. |
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Guide to Irak
Franks obsession with native African trees had got the better of him this time!
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Travel Agent Terms
Old world charm ......... Room with no TV, radio and only 1 light.
Tropical ....................... Rainy.
Majestic setting ........... A long way from town, at end of dirt road.
Options galore ............ Nothing is included in the price.
Secluded hideaway .....Directions to locate unclear.
Some budget rooms ....Sorry, already occupied.
Explore on your own ...At your own expense.
Minutes From ???.........By Plane
Romantic ..................... No Phone in room
Knowledgeable trip hosts ... They've flown in an airplane before.
No extra fees .............. No extras available.
Bird Watchers Paradise...... Your car's paint will never be the same
Nominal fee ................ Outrageous charge.
Standard .................... Sub-standard.
Deluxe ........................ Barely Standard.
Superior accommodations... One complimentary chocolate,
free shower cap.
All the amenities ......... Two chocolates, two shower caps.
Just Like Home............. No Maid service.
Plush ................. Both top and bottom sheets, bed shakes.
Gentle breezes ........... In hurricane alley.
Light and airy .............. No air conditioning.
Picturesque ................ Theme park nearby.
24-hour bar .................Ice cubes at additional cost (when available).
Old world charm ......... Room with no TV, radio and only 1 light.
Tropical ....................... Rainy.
Majestic setting ........... A long way from town, at end of dirt road.
Options galore ............ Nothing is included in the price.
Secluded hideaway .....Directions to locate unclear.
Some budget rooms ....Sorry, already occupied.
Explore on your own ...At your own expense.
Minutes From ???.........By Plane
Romantic ..................... No Phone in room
Knowledgeable trip hosts ... They've flown in an airplane before.
No extra fees .............. No extras available.
Bird Watchers Paradise...... Your car's paint will never be the same
Nominal fee ................ Outrageous charge.
Standard .................... Sub-standard.
Deluxe ........................ Barely Standard.
Superior accommodations... One complimentary chocolate,
free shower cap.
All the amenities ......... Two chocolates, two shower caps.
Just Like Home............. No Maid service.
Plush ................. Both top and bottom sheets, bed shakes.
Gentle breezes ........... In hurricane alley.
Light and airy .............. No air conditioning.
Picturesque ................ Theme park nearby.
24-hour bar .................Ice cubes at additional cost (when available).
The Island - From a passenger ship, everyone can see a bearded man on a small island who is shouting and desperately waving his hands.
"Who is it?" a passenger asks the captain.
"I've no idea. Every year when we pass, he goes nuts."
"Who is it?" a passenger asks the captain.
"I've no idea. Every year when we pass, he goes nuts."
Ocean-view Room - A man called, furious about a Florida package we did. I asked what was wrong with the vacation in Orlando. He said he was
expecting an ocean-view room. I tried to explain that is not possible since Orlando is in the middle of the state. He replied "Don't lie to me. I looked on the
map and Florida is a very thin state."
expecting an ocean-view room. I tried to explain that is not possible since Orlando is in the middle of the state. He replied "Don't lie to me. I looked on the
map and Florida is a very thin state."
Rush Hour - It was rush hour, and the city bus filled until the aisle was jammed with standing commuters. One woman, precariously balanced on spike
heels, clung to a handgrip. Suddenly the bus took a sharp corner, flinging her across the laps of two seated male passengers. There was silence and all
eyes turned on the threesome.
Laughter erupted as the quick-witted woman righted herself and quipped, "All these years I thought I was British, and now I find I'm a Laplander!"
heels, clung to a handgrip. Suddenly the bus took a sharp corner, flinging her across the laps of two seated male passengers. There was silence and all
eyes turned on the threesome.
Laughter erupted as the quick-witted woman righted herself and quipped, "All these years I thought I was British, and now I find I'm a Laplander!"
Thanks for Flying - An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered his ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy, which
required the first officer to stand at the door while the passengers exited, give a smile, and a "Thanks for flying XYZ airline." He said that in light of his bad
landing, he had a hard time looking the passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a smart comment, but no one seemed annoyed.
Finally everyone had gotten off except for one little old lady walking with a cane. She approached and asked, conspiratorially, "Sonny, mind if I ask you a
question?"
"Why no Ma'am, what is it?"
"Did we land or were we shot down?"
required the first officer to stand at the door while the passengers exited, give a smile, and a "Thanks for flying XYZ airline." He said that in light of his bad
landing, he had a hard time looking the passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a smart comment, but no one seemed annoyed.
Finally everyone had gotten off except for one little old lady walking with a cane. She approached and asked, conspiratorially, "Sonny, mind if I ask you a
question?"
"Why no Ma'am, what is it?"
"Did we land or were we shot down?"
Joke, by webmaster
Actual stories provided by travel agents:...
1. I had someone ask for an aisle seat so that their hair wouldn't get messed up by
being near the window.
2. A client called in inquiring about a package to Hawaii. After going over all the cost
information, she asked, "Would it be cheaper to fly to California and then take the train
to Hawaii?"
3. I got a call from a woman who wanted to go to Capetown. I started to explain the
length of the flight and the passport information when she interrupted me with "I'm not
trying to make you look stupid, but Cape Town is in Massachusetts." Without trying to
make her look like the stupid one, I calmly explained, "Cape Cod is in Massachusetts,
Capetown is in Africa."
Her response was "click."
4. A man called, furious about a Florida package we did. I asked what was wrong
with the vacation in Orlando. He said he was expecting an ocean-view room. I tried
to explain that is not possible, since Orlando is in the middle of the state. He replied,
"Don't lie to me. I looked on the map and Florida is a very thin state."
5. I got a call from a man who asked, "Is it possible to see England from Canada?"
I said, "No."
He said, "But they look so close on the map."
6. Another man called and asked if he could rent a car in Dallas. When I pulled up the
reservation, I noticed he had a 1-hour lay over in Dallas. When I asked him why he
wanted to rent a car, he said, "I heard Dallas was a big airport, and I need a car to
drive between the gates to save
time."
7. A nice lady just called. She needed to know how it was possible that her flight
from Detroit left at 8:20am and got into Chicago at 8:33am. I tried to explain that
Michigan was an hour ahead of Illinois, but she could not understand the concept of
time zones. Finally I told her the plane went very fast, and she bought that!
8. A woman called and asked, "Do airlines put your physical description
on your bag so they know whose luggage belongs to who?" I said, "No, why do you
ask?" She replied, "Well, when I checked in with the airline, they put a tag on my
luggage that said FAT, and I'm overweight, is there any connection?" After putting her
on hold for a minute while "I looked
into it," (I was actually laughing) I came back and explained that the city code for
Fresno is FAT, and that the airline was just putting a destination tag on her luggage.
9. I just got off the phone with a man who asked, "How do I know which plane to get
on?" I asked him what exactly he meant, to which he replied, "I was told my flight
number is 823, but none of these darn planes have numbers on them.
Actual stories provided by travel agents:...
1. I had someone ask for an aisle seat so that their hair wouldn't get messed up by
being near the window.
2. A client called in inquiring about a package to Hawaii. After going over all the cost
information, she asked, "Would it be cheaper to fly to California and then take the train
to Hawaii?"
3. I got a call from a woman who wanted to go to Capetown. I started to explain the
length of the flight and the passport information when she interrupted me with "I'm not
trying to make you look stupid, but Cape Town is in Massachusetts." Without trying to
make her look like the stupid one, I calmly explained, "Cape Cod is in Massachusetts,
Capetown is in Africa."
Her response was "click."
4. A man called, furious about a Florida package we did. I asked what was wrong
with the vacation in Orlando. He said he was expecting an ocean-view room. I tried
to explain that is not possible, since Orlando is in the middle of the state. He replied,
"Don't lie to me. I looked on the map and Florida is a very thin state."
5. I got a call from a man who asked, "Is it possible to see England from Canada?"
I said, "No."
He said, "But they look so close on the map."
6. Another man called and asked if he could rent a car in Dallas. When I pulled up the
reservation, I noticed he had a 1-hour lay over in Dallas. When I asked him why he
wanted to rent a car, he said, "I heard Dallas was a big airport, and I need a car to
drive between the gates to save
time."
7. A nice lady just called. She needed to know how it was possible that her flight
from Detroit left at 8:20am and got into Chicago at 8:33am. I tried to explain that
Michigan was an hour ahead of Illinois, but she could not understand the concept of
time zones. Finally I told her the plane went very fast, and she bought that!
8. A woman called and asked, "Do airlines put your physical description
on your bag so they know whose luggage belongs to who?" I said, "No, why do you
ask?" She replied, "Well, when I checked in with the airline, they put a tag on my
luggage that said FAT, and I'm overweight, is there any connection?" After putting her
on hold for a minute while "I looked
into it," (I was actually laughing) I came back and explained that the city code for
Fresno is FAT, and that the airline was just putting a destination tag on her luggage.
9. I just got off the phone with a man who asked, "How do I know which plane to get
on?" I asked him what exactly he meant, to which he replied, "I was told my flight
number is 823, but none of these darn planes have numbers on them.
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