| Joke, by webmaster .. A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: “My friend is dead! What can I do?” The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: “Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead.” There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: “OK, now what?“ |
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Joke, by webmaster
Computer Doc
One day Bill complained to his friend, "My elbow really hurts, I guess I should
see a doctor."
His friend offered, "Don't do that. There's a computer at the drug store that
can diagnose anything quicker an cheaper than a doctor. Simply put in a
sample of your urine and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell
you what you can do about it. It only costs $10."
Bill figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine sample and
went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and
deposited the $10. The computer started making some noise and various
lights started flashing. After a brief pause out popped a small slip of paper
on which was printed: You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm
water. Avoid heavy lifting. It will be better in two weeks.
Late that evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was and
how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this
machine could be fooled. He decided to give it a try. He mixed together some
tap water, a stool sample from his dog and urine samples from his wife and
daughter. To top it off, he masturbated into the concoction.
He went back to the drug store, located the machine, poured in the sample
and deposited the $10. The computer again made the usual noise and printed
out the following message:
Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. Your dog has worms. Get
him vitamins. Your daughter is using cocaine. Put her in a rehabilitation clinic.
Your wife is pregnant with twin girls. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer. And
if you don't stop jerking off, your tennis elbow will never get better.
Computer Doc
One day Bill complained to his friend, "My elbow really hurts, I guess I should
see a doctor."
His friend offered, "Don't do that. There's a computer at the drug store that
can diagnose anything quicker an cheaper than a doctor. Simply put in a
sample of your urine and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell
you what you can do about it. It only costs $10."
Bill figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine sample and
went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and
deposited the $10. The computer started making some noise and various
lights started flashing. After a brief pause out popped a small slip of paper
on which was printed: You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm
water. Avoid heavy lifting. It will be better in two weeks.
Late that evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was and
how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this
machine could be fooled. He decided to give it a try. He mixed together some
tap water, a stool sample from his dog and urine samples from his wife and
daughter. To top it off, he masturbated into the concoction.
He went back to the drug store, located the machine, poured in the sample
and deposited the $10. The computer again made the usual noise and printed
out the following message:
Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. Your dog has worms. Get
him vitamins. Your daughter is using cocaine. Put her in a rehabilitation clinic.
Your wife is pregnant with twin girls. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer. And
if you don't stop jerking off, your tennis elbow will never get better.
Joke, by webmaster
Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson go on a camping trip. After a good dinner and a bottle of wine, they retire for the night, and go to sleep.
Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend. “Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.”
“I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes” replies Watson.
“And what do you deduce from that?”
Watson ponders for a minute. “Well,
Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.
Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo.
Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three.
Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.
Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful, and that we are a small and insignificant part of the universe.
But what does it tell you, Holmes?”
Holmes is silent for a moment.
“Watson, you idiot!” he says. “Someone has stolen our tent!”
Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson go on a camping trip. After a good dinner and a bottle of wine, they retire for the night, and go to sleep.
Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend. “Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.”
“I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes” replies Watson.
“And what do you deduce from that?”
Watson ponders for a minute. “Well,
Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.
Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo.
Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three.
Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.
Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful, and that we are a small and insignificant part of the universe.
But what does it tell you, Holmes?”
Holmes is silent for a moment.
“Watson, you idiot!” he says. “Someone has stolen our tent!”
| This page has been designed as a bit of fun. Some of these jokes may be offensive. That is not the intention. If you have a good joke forward it on to: post@myeasyticket.com and we'll add it to our collection. |
Joke, by webmaster
World Crazy
"You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy,
the best golfer is a black guy, France is accusing the US of arrogance and
Germany doesn't want to go to war."
World Crazy
"You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy,
the best golfer is a black guy, France is accusing the US of arrogance and
Germany doesn't want to go to war."
Joke, by webmaster
Drunk
Two guys are sitting on a bar stool. One starts to insult the other one. He
screams, “I slept with your mother!” The bar gets quiet as everyone listens
to see what the other weasel will do. The first again yells, “I SLEPT WITH
YOUR MOTHER!”
The other says, “Go home dad you’re drunk.”
Drunk
Two guys are sitting on a bar stool. One starts to insult the other one. He
screams, “I slept with your mother!” The bar gets quiet as everyone listens
to see what the other weasel will do. The first again yells, “I SLEPT WITH
YOUR MOTHER!”
The other says, “Go home dad you’re drunk.”
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